In the wake of the Eurydice Dixon rape and murder here in Australia, the spotlight is well and truly on the issue of violence against women by men. So here’s my challenge to the men in my network, actual friends or otherwise:

Challenge #1: Actually read this fucking post. Even if it’s a bit long. Because it’s important. More important than that cat video or Bad Lip Sync video you’re probably gonna spend a few minutes watching later.

Challenge #2: My first blog about violence against women was quite long, and looking back at it now, having had time to reflect, a bit ‘helpless’. As a man, it was necessarily apologetic, but didn’t come from a place of power. It didn’t come from a place where we have the power to affect change. Because honestly, I couldn’t think of what I could do. But now I can.

I posted yesterday about some of the things you could do to better support women. You may well be way smarter than me, so if you’ve already got those things covered, apologies for preaching to the converted. If you’ve got more or better ones in return, please share them with me, and everyone.

And herein is the challenge: Not assaulting, raping or murdering someone yourself, is no longer enough. People like you and me are already not doing that, and it’s not helping reduce the problem. Which means people like you and me have to do more. And one of those things, is simply to learn more. And make sure those around us do too. To learn more about the ‘right’ things to say. And not say. To learn more about what to look for in the words and behaviours of others. To learn more about the true breadth and depth of the problem. To learn more about how to support our women friends. And to learn more about how to make sure our men friends do too. We have to have those awkward conversations. Those conversations we’ve never had before. Where instead of talking about ‘man stuff’, we talk about ‘women stuff’. We ask men if they’re on board with this. Truly on board. We ask men if they have problems with this (They don’t have to be rapists and murderers, they could fall into a different ‘category’ and treat their partners poorly etc.) and if they do, we have to tell them it’s not OK and to find support.

A few times in the past six months, including last night at the Eurydice Vigil, I’ve heard people saying so and so’s partner is a “nasty piece of work”. Last night it was two women next to me talking. (Sorry for eavesdropping.) But they were bystanders. Helpless. I have no idea what “nasty piece of work” meant, maybe they just didn’t like him. But if we hear these stories, WHEN we hear these stories, maybe instead of nodding knowingly then going about our business, we need to say something. To someone. Exactly what and to whom, I’m not sure. I’m still working that out. Maybe we find a way to reach out to the partner if we know them, and simply ask if they’re OK.

But mostly, this post is about devoting some time and energy to being better educated about these things. To reading the articles we see shared. And to re-share them with our male friends and encourage them to read them too.

(And here’s an article called STOP ASKING ‘WHAT ABOUT MEN?’ you may want to read.)

It’s all very well to float ideas like “better education in school” but there’s an awful lot of us who are a bit past that and won’t get that education. No one else is gonna educate us, so we’re gonna have to do it ourselves.

So that’s my challenge to you as men. As REAL men. In days gone by, our role used to be to hunt and gather, to protect women physically. Now, maybe that’s morphed a little, and now, maybe to be a real man, it’s about being educated enough to know what to say and do. Educated enough to have a ‘pebble in the pond’ ripple effect on the men around us. Because if the stats are correct, and I believe they are, even if we’re not aware of it, we all know multiple people who act inappropriately… and worse. We must. There’s no way it’s the same eight guys none of us know who are assaulting a few million women.

Call me naive, (I’ve certainly been called worse), but us getting better, CAN make things better. Not doing these things ourselves, is not enough. We have to be more active in being a part of the solution. I’ll be sharing information and articles I find useful on this topic to give you the opportunity to read them also. And I truly hope you’ll do the same.

Originally posted on Facebook 19 June, 2018.

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