If like most of us, your calendar is looking decidedly fucking empty for the next three or forever months, welcome to the Covid Club.

And we’ve all seen the announcements about things being cancelled and fuck, we get it. It’s all cancelled. Everything. But not really.

Some things aren’t cancelled. There’s plenty of awesome things you can do. Like being awesome. You can literally be awesome anytime, anywhere. Even at home.

Maybe you’re used to being awesome in a crowd. Or at work. Or somewhere you can’t be awesome anymore. Well, it’s time to get different awesome. And please believe me, if you’re willing to open your mind a little, there’s still plenty of awesome to go around.

Here’s just the very tip of the iceberg list.

If you’re someone who likes to be fit and healthy, for example, here’s what’s not cancelled:

Being fit and healthy.

Can’t go to the gym? Can’t do that ride or race or ironman or whatever the fuck it is that you usually do?

Squats aren’t cancelled. Neither is planking. Or lifting 2kg bags of rice. (If you can find any.) Lunges. Stretches. Push ups. Sit ups. None of that shit is cancelled. Jumping up and down. All still good to go. I did see a video on social media of someone trying to swim in their bath yesterday and yeah, nah, that shit is fucking cancelled. Just stop already. But doing the kind of exercises that keep you fit and strong are definitely still on. Sadly, burpees have also not been cancelled.

If you don’t have any equipment and you’re tight for bucks, get yourself some cheap resistance bands and go your hardest. Get some google workouts. Do yoga online. Stay fit and healthy.

(If those cheap resistance bands are shit, don’t fucking blame me, I’m just trying to help. Also, blaming me is cancelled.)

 

Doing Your Art

Art is never fucking cancelled. Ever. And let’s be honest, hardly any artist makes a living out of their art anyway, so let’s not pretend it’s all that different now.

You can still paint, write, play, knit… whatever the fuck your art is, you can still do it. If you usually play gigs and that’s been taken away from you, I feel you. That’s fucked. So maybe now’s a good time to practise, write or learn some new songs, so you can come back bigger and better and badder than ever.

If Stitch & Bitch is cancelled, there’s skype… FaceTime… because talking is also not cancelled. There’s nothing quite like actual time with actual people, but there’s stuff we have now we didn’t have not so many years ago. And you can still Stitch & Bitch with the best of them online if you really want to.

Take photos of shit around the house. Or what you can see out the window or from the balcony.

Write about what it’s like having to stay home. Paint a picture of your house. Or hey, paint your actual fucking house. Unless you rent, in which case that shit is definitely frowned upon so maybe don’t do it.

And if you don’t have art, well you do now. Pick one. Try it. Take some drawing lessons online. Come on, you got this. I know you do. Unearth your hidden talent. You don’t actually have to be any good at art to enjoy it. Hey, if anyone knows that it’s me!

Being a good human.

That shit is never cancelled. You can still be a good friend. You can still talk. You can still listen. In fact now’s a better time than ever to do that. Check in on people. Use your phone. As an actual phone rather than a text machine. Ring someone. Come on, I know you’ve got it in you. I believe in you. Talk. With actual words. Out of your actual mouth.

Say hi to someone you usually say hi to in real life. See how they’re doing. Say hi to someone you don’t usually hi to in real life. See how they’re doing. A mere 26 letters in the alphabet, but so many words… the possibilities are fucking endless.

Check in on your neighbours. From a distance. Check in on that random old person down the street. Also from a distance. Write letters and send them. (After you’ve disinfected them.) Write emails. Write a journal. Write your Covid story so that in 100 years times when people look back they can see how you struggled through such a tough time with literally almost the entire world of art, information, education and entertainment at your fingertips.

Netflix.

If all else fails, there’s always Netflix. Unless the internet fails in which case we’re all well fucked. But Netflix and Amazon Prime could keep you busy for weeks… OK, possibly days. Maybe hours. Depending on how much you’ve binged already.

But Season 3 of Westworld just came out and I am stoked. That’s the weekend sorted for me. Well, Saturday anyway.

Read motherfuckers, read.

Before Netflix there were these things called books. All kinds of books with all kinds of information and stories. You don’t even need to buy an actual book. If you haven’t got a Kindle because you’re not a fucking nerd, download the app then hit up Amazon and hey fucking presto, it’s like a library at your fingertips. Yes, you have to pay. But fuck, they’re books. They’re awesome. Imagine how well read and smart you can be by the time this is over? That first dinner party you go to, you are gonna be the life of the fucking party pal. What a great time to exist. Reading is not fucking cancelled. And who knows, you might actually learn something.

Connect with nature.

If, like me, you really need a dose of nature and you’re stuck inside, this one’s tricky. But not impossible. Can you see the sky? Clouds? The stars at night? Are you lucky enough to have a yard? Can you buy some seeds or seedlings online and grow some flowers? Or a tomato plant. Or a toilet paper bush? I’m lucky enough to have birds come visit me. If it’s warm where you are, put a bowl of water out for them. If your pet store delivers, get some responsible/appropriate food to leave out for them. (I know there will be some people who will say feeding wild animals isn’t the right thing to do and they’re right of course, but, ah, just don’t tell anyone. But please make sure you google and find out what to feed them because killing birds by feeding them bread etc is not fucking cool.)

If all else fails connect with nature online. Visit websites and read about national parks, read about animals, read adventure stories. And plan where you’re going to go when you can. Trust me, if you try hard enough you’ll find a way to get a dose of nature.

Here’s a list of top ten wildlife webcams that may or may not be any good.

I logged in to Africam and saw motherfuckng lions! From my home office. Sitting here in my undies. It was pretty fucking awesome. Although I just checked again and it hasn’t moved so maybe it’s just a statue of a lion? No, wait, it’s head just moved and… LION!!!!

OK, just found this eagle nest cam also and it’s amazing! That same link has links to the Puppy Playroom and Kitten Rescue Sanctuary also!

Shopping local.

Some people are excited that Coles are employing 5,000 extra people. Fuck. That. Buy your shit from the local store whenever you can. I know it isn’t always possible, but shopping local is never cancelled. Because local is awesome. They do things like employ local people and pay local taxes and in Australia at least, are like 90% of businesses or something. So without them, we’d be well fucked. But don’t do it because it’s good or us, do it because it’s good for them. And doing shit that’s good for others is, well, good.

This Tshirt is now available in my online store with all profits going to help someone who really fucking needs it right about now.

 

Being kind.

You know, it’s pretty fucked up there out there for a lot of people. People who have had their lives ripped out from under them in a fucking heartbeat. People who suddenly have no work. Small businesses who suddenly have no business. And yes, people who are crook… or worse. So if ever there was a time to back away from the toilet paper and just fucking be kind, this is it.

Self preservation is a powerful force, I get it. I don’t particularly want to wipe my arse with my hand or with leaves or something, but fuck. me. Surely we can do better than this? I asked my neighbour yesterday “you good for toilet paper?” and he said “yeah, you?” and I said “yes” and we both laughed. Not a ‘fuck you to all the people who don’t have any’ kind of laugh, just that laugh you do when you connect with another human, even if it’s over something as stupid as The Great Toilet Paper Debacle of 2020.

So be kind. Not just to people you like already, but to complete strangers. Because you just never know what they’re going through behind the scenes. That person in the shop, who doesn’t have the thing you want to buy, be kind to them. The person online? Yes, I know how easy it is to be a complete and utter cunt online (oh trust me, I know), but maybe be kind instead. Exercise your kindness muscle. Give it a good old workout. Yes, there is such a thing.

And oh what a great time to find it and use the fucking thing.

Because being kind is never fucking cancelled.

What have you got?

This is just the beginning. There is of course, plenty more things that are not cancelled. Got something else you want me to add to the list, let me know and I will or add it in the comments on social media.

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