Everyone’s afraid of something.

[3 minute read]

Lately a couple of people have commended me for not being afraid to speak my mind. And it’s simply not true. Of course I’m afraid at times! Of course I care what people think!

It’s important for me to acknowledge that truth, because I think life is tricky enough without thinking other people have something you don’t, or can do things you can’t, because of how their life seems from the outside.

Behind the scenes, we’re all afraid of something. For me, the list is long. Snakes. Spiders. The dark. The water. Lightning. Heights. The list goes on. And on. And on. It sure as shit includes ‘speaking my mind’. And ‘not being liked’.

Everyone wants to be liked, and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel the need to be liked by everyone, (thankfully!), but when I post on social media and get a bunch of supportive comments and just one or two shitty ones, you can bet your arse the shitty ones are the ones I fixate on. “Why don’t they understand?” or “Why don’t they like me?” I might wonder. Like everyone should. Which is ridiculous, of course, but that doesn’t stop me thinking it. Agonizing over it even, at times.

It’s actually enough to put me off social media all together. As if the opinions of a few people outweigh me sharing the ideas that are important to me. The pain of not being liked, or worse, actually being disliked, is tough. Sometimes really tough.

It’s easy to roll out the ‘fuck the haters’ logic, but that doesn’t usually make it any easier to be hated.

No one wants to be disliked or even hated. Why would you?

So please don’t ever think I’m not afraid. That should never be what you take out of it, when you see me, or anyone else for that matter, do something you believe requires a lack of fear, when what it actually requires is faith and resolve and courage. To speak your truths. To push for what you believe in.

Faith and resolve and courage are qualities everyone already has. You already have them. They’re not something you need to ‘invent’, even if at times you may need to dig a little deeper to find them tucked away inside yourself – especially if they don’t get used very often. And like anything, the more you use them, the stronger they get. The easier it gets to face your fears. Not easy, necessarily, but easier. That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel fear. It just means faith, resolve and courage can gang up on fear, and bully the fuck out of it for long enough to do what you need to do.

The idea of being ‘fearless’ is lovely, but also pretty unrealistic for most of us. What ‘fearless’ usually means is, finding a way to push the fear aside for just long enough to do those things you’re afraid of. It’s like jumping out of a plane. You don’t have to push the fear aside the entire way down, just long enough to jump. After that, for better or for worse, the process takes care of itself.

Sometimes, all you need is one little bit of resolve to make a decision, and take some action. To start the ball rolling. And the faith that you can push on from there. Even if it means dealing with the consequences later.

Please know, this isn’t the same as being reckless. It’s about believing in your heart that the thing you want to do or say is important enough, that it will be worth the price you might end up paying. And that you did it with good intentions, even if not everyone sees it that way at the time. Or ever.

So don’t be afraid of fear. It’s a part of life for all of us. Just work on building your faith and courage and resolve so that when it’s go time, you give your fear a giant ‘fuck you’ for long enough to do get shit done.

Be awesome to each other.

Sputnik.