The Myth of Fitting In.

[3 minute read]

I love reality talent shows like The Voice and American Idol, especially the audition rounds, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I love the singing. Sometimes I love the judges. And I love the stories. Oh, do I love the stories. The tears, the orphans, the cancer survivors… every feel good triumph over adversity is awesome. And I love every second of it.

And more and more, I’m seeing and hearing the stories about the people who suffered endlessly from… not fitting in.

What. The. Fuck.

When did ‘fitting in’ to anything or anywhere, become a prerequisite to life? Like, life throws you some massive curve ball if you don’t magically ‘fit in’ to somewhere by the time you’re 16. Or 18. Or 20. Or… beyond?

Fuck. Me.

I’ve spent the better part of 50 years on this planet, and I still don’t fit in. And nor is it on my list of things to do.

Quite when that become something you had to do in order to have an awesome life is beyond me. Who is selling this ‘fitting in’ bullshit? And more importantly, why is anyone buying it?

It’s time we changed the conversation. You are not a lego brick. You are not a jigsaw piece. You are a beautiful. unique, individual. I don’t need to know you personally to know that, it’s just a fact. Because… life.

You don’t need to fit in. You need to be you. Gloriously, unapologetically you.

There is nowhere on Earth that you will fit in, that doesn’t, by definition, mean that you don’t fit somewhere else. Perhaps even everywhere else. You will always not fit somewhere. Possibly anywhere or everywhere. And that’s imperfectly, perfectly fine.

There is beauty in finding your tribe, no question about it. But think about it: If the amount of stories, the amount of tears, the amount of angst I see is anything to go by, all these people who don’t fit in, already fit into what may well be the largest tribe there is – the tribe of people who don’t fit in.

If they would only realise that all the other people who don’t fit in are their tribe, they would very quickly realise they have, and fit into, a very big tribe indeed. They may not fit in, in all sorts of different ways, but that’s the whole point! We don’t have to be the same! We don’t have to be vanilla. We don’t have to be white bread. (Nearly everyone loves white bread, but do you know the nutritional value of white bread? Look it up, it’s not very fucking much.)

I can only wonder if while the other kids were off kicking the footy and Einstein was dicking around with the theory of relativity, if he was all that worried about fitting in? If while the rest of the lads were down at the pub sinking beers, and Steve Jobs was chasing some stupid dream to create a computer company, if he was very worked up about not fitting in? If Martin Luther King… Beethoven… Mother Theresa… Bill Gates… John Lennon… Richard Branson… Elon Musk… the list goes on.

Can you see a pattern developing here? People who are extraordinary, didn’t, and don’t, fit in.

It’s time we recognised, not fitting in isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a thing. Maybe you do fit in somewhere, maybe you don’t… yet. Maybe you’ve found your tribe, maybe you haven’t… yet. Or maybe you do fit in and you just don’t know it yet. And in any case, your current status is not permanent. So in the meantime, feel free to celebrate how incredible and unique you are. Even if you have to celebrate on your own for now.

Be awesome to each other. And yourself.

PS As an aside, if this subject interests you, I also wrote this ‘Here’s to the Misfits‘ piece which you may find interesting. <3